FEAR

In a poignant commentary on fear, a lonely prison cell bathed in autumn light becomes a chilling death chamber backdrop, symbolized by the presence of an electric chair and a lone Bible.

I love the Fall season even in prison. I can see some trees nearby even though there’s none right here in my yard or my dorm. I can see their splendor. It’s also a time when I don't have to worry about if the a/c or heat’s working properly. Yet this Fall, I’ve been finding myself thinking in fear! Not a fear of a Halloween movie or scary film. No, I am thinking of real every day terrors...fear of family  and  friends dealing with health struggles and I can't be there to help...an 82 year old beautiful mother who needs my hands and feet to help her...fear of the anger I feel over the revolving door here at the Kentucky Correctional Institution for Women where I get to witness others getting chance after chance at parole or short sentences only to keep coming  back while I am told to die here...fear of aging and then dying here with no one to really care or care for me...and then I turn the news on and see another death penalty execution gone bad in the Christa Pike case. It’s hard to watch that.

Then I ask myself, we are a civilized nation, right? I mean we even euthanize animals humanely. Is what happened in Tennessee human dignity or humane? I know Miss Pike is responsible and accountable and didn’t act in human dignity at 18 with what she committed…I am not excusing that. Yet should we remember a devastating loss with killing another in return, especially if not humanely done?

If we believe in the death penalty or not, should we get it right? Should we consider a person's mentality, upbringing, disabilities, socialization, etc.? In Texas, a man with severe mental health issues getting executed, saving the dessert from his "last meal" saying he’d eat it later because he did not even realize he was headed to his own execution. There was another case with new evidence proving innocence; our own Supreme Court they ruled...you are entitled to a "fair" trial but not a trial with "correct" results. WOW! Think about that. Yet our own criminal justice system, we have to put our hand on the Bible and swear to tell the truth, if we’re involved in a trial and there supposed to find guilt beyond a reasonable doubt.

Christa and I both came in at a young age. There’s a similarity there. The similarity that we both have death but we both received in different ways. Hers came from a court and mine came from a Parole Board. We may all need to pause, process, and then proceed forward after we revamp, restore, restructure, or rehabilitate our system somehow. In another instance that came to mind, the supreme Court ruled that someone can’t get death if they are not the actual killer. Well, I am proof that is a lie here in Kentucky. Death in a chamber, a chair, or prison cell is still death.

I pray for Miss Pike, I wish she had been given a better start in life if all is true that is being reported. I pray she is now an adult that can feel remorse and has rehabilitated her heart, her mind and soul. I pray that she’s feeling some type of peace even though the trauma she’s been through. I pray that there’s people there for her to comfort her. I pray for our nation to be humane. I know daily I try to honor victims and family with a legacy of change, rehabilitation, compassion and restoration.

This is Karen, I am scared but I keep praying and I keep doing the right things. I’m just asking to whoever is listening to this, to think about, spread it, ask your friends these questions…The reason I fear is because I care. Do you? There is hope in my heart, in my mind and soul but I fear my death because I wake up every day in my death chamber because a parole board gave me death by incarceration.